The Foundations of Confidence
- theleeedit
- 25 minutes ago
- 7 min read
The Way We Speak to Ourselves
If there is one thing I wish I could bless every single girl in the world with, it is raw confidence. We are each so unique in our own ways. It is a beautiful thing that we get to have our quirks and bits and bobs about us and still have so much in common. We love a girls night out, whether it is once a week or once a year. We crave a lengthy catch-up with our long-distance best friends over margaritas and chips and guac. We have to try on eighteen different outfits before deciding on going back to the first one we tried on. We all post pictures of the same sunset on the same night. We experience girlhood together.
It is easy to fall into a trap of thinking you need to be comparing yourself to other people, or tearing others down. We have a lot of emotions. We can have good days and bad days. But at the end of the day, the statement that helped to get me out of a negative headspace full of shame toward myself and jealousy toward others was this:
The only person you are competing with, in life, is an alternate version of you. If you focus only on becoming a better version of who you were yesterday, you won't even need to think about the opinions or lifestyles of others. The only opinion that truly will need to make you happy is your own.
At the end of the day, we cannot control how others perceive us. Realistically, we don’t even know. We know what they tell us, but not what they think. So surround yourself with honest people. People with good character. Ones you admire, ones maybe you were once jealous of but can now also be inspired by. Now, not all this is to say that you shouldn’t value the opinions of those around you, but it is essential that you surround yourself with people whose opinions and characteristics you do value, so that you feel reassured when seeking them out for advice.
The comparison game is a thief of joy. We have been programmed to fight and compete and believe that those around us will fundamentally ‘take’ something from us if they are, in our personal view, doing life “better”. I encourage you to instead see your interactions with everyone as an opportunity. Go into every conversation with an open mind and the idea that this person will potentially be a stepping stone on your journey to becoming your best self - in whatever way that may be. Rather than fearing what people may ‘take’ from you, whether it is time or energy or attention or money, be inspired by the potential of what wisdom or growth opportunities they may offer you.
** I’ll add - this is not an overnight process. Being able to not pass bias over your interactions with others is something that comes with extensive practice and willingness to learn from your mistakes. Do not beat yourself up when you catch yourself exhibiting behaviors you do not like. Instead, recognize yourself for acknowledging an unappealing behavior, correct it, and move on. Every successful person will remind you that failure is the most valuable tool along the path to achieving your goals.
My favorite balance, though perhaps also the most challenging one, is the balance of trying so hard to plan to be who you want to be, and also prioritizing living in the moment. To this I say, forgive yourself more. Be nicer to yourself. Let the voice in your head be one filled with kindness and compassion. It's probably cliché to say that your mindset is the biggest game changer, but it truly is. The loudest voice in the room is often the one in our own head. Start speaking positively to yourself. I would like to acknowledge that it is an incredibly challenging process, especially if you are struggling internally with confidence and self-doubt. The best advice I can give for someone who struggles with confidence & being kind to themselves is to combine the following mottos:
Fake It Until You Make It + Practice Makes Perfect
Even if you don’t feel like your best self each and every day, focus more on the days when you are proud of yourself and ruminate on those days. Think about what you did, and look for patterns to replicate in order to bring more positive days into the forefront. Now, with the Practice Makes Perfect aspect, I would like to draw your attention to a quote credited to American author and motivational speaker Zig Ziglar:
You don't have to be great to start, but you do have to start to be great.
Cheesy, I know. But sometimes we need a reminder of it.
Do not fall into the trap of self-shame if you can’t show up for yourself every single day. Remember that 10% effort is still more than none at all. If you can convince yourself of ONE thing you love about yourself, and remind yourself of it each day, you will soon feel comfortable building on that self-love and begin to recognize more things in your own life that you are proud of. Remember that YOU got yourself here, and you can get yourself to the future version of you.
Keeping all of the above in mind, it still may seem easier said than done to improve your confidence. This is when I would like to direct your attention to the goal-setting piece of the equation. As I previously mentioned, the only person you should compare yourself to is an alternate version of you -- what this looks like for me is creating tangible representations of my personal goals. I sometimes will have specific, concise goals that I can write out in a notebook to look back on, but goals don't always come about in that way. The method of representation that has worked the best for me when goal-setting is creating visual boards (vision boards, mood boards, manifestation collages, whatever you want to call it) full of photos that represent a life I would like to be living, or a moment captured by a stranger that I would want to replicate.
I created a 2025 vision board in November of 2024 using random photos I found on Pinterest. In October of 2025, I am proud to say that I have mentally "checked off" the majority of the goals represented through these photos.
The idea of the combination of all these photos is that no single picture represents the exact person I want to be. I want to be myself. But the emotion, circumstances, mood, etc. coming out of these photos is what I care about and would like to channel. Here are some of the words I listed out when describing the future I wanted:
Abundance. You see it right there as one of the few text images. I seek abundance in all capacities and welcome what the universe is offering me (in the words of Eli Rallo, very "woo-woo"). I specifically seek abundance in my friendships, as mirrored by the joy that comes through in all of the group shots above.
Health. I included photos that represent exercise and moving my body, as well as many food photos filled with color. Health keeps me feeling better and more capable of being present toward those around me.
Wealth. This is a value of mine, and it might not necessarily be everyone’s priority, but it is what we need in order to survive, have a roof over our heads, and have food to eat. With increase in wealth comes more flexibility in the choices you make day-to-day. That is the reality of capitalism, so might as well ask the universe for it.
Confidence & Self-Love. When I look at the solo shots I included in this, they make me believe these girls are fun-loving AND self-loving. It is the energy they portray which I want to replicate.
A couple of days ago, I did an activity where I sifted through all the photos I took in 2025 and matched each mood board picture from above with one captured from my own lens in the past year. I was able to remind myself of all the ways I had achieved my goals from last year. Recording them in imagery allowed me to compare who I wanted to be a year ago with who I am now. It gave me a burst of pride to see that I actually am doing it. I am living the life I want to live, and while it is certainly not perfect, everything is a progression toward my overall life goals. It doesn't have to happen overnight, but it will happen once you create an image of who you want to be. If visual evidence of your success is helpful for you to recognize progress, I encourage you to pursue this activity as well and show yourself that you really are doing a great job.
Another way I often look at it is: put yourself in your 12-year-old brain for one moment. Is 12-year-old you proud of the life you are leading? Would they think you were a 'cool' adult? This line of thinking promotes introspection and a sort of "reality check", as well as a reminder of how far you have come. You have gotten through every single one of your worst days. If you create the same situation but in reverse, and use the idea of what 85-year-old you might think of the life you are leading now, then you might also be encouraged to live in the present and be grateful for what you have now, in this current moment. This is a good mental exercise to do every once in a while and I strongly encourage you to do it right now. It doesn't matter what age you are imagining, or what age you are now. Just pick a past version of you and a future version of you and do some self-reflection. Maybe even set some goals based on that.
At the end of the day, if you set out a set of goals for yourself, and only compare yourself to the person you were before, I hope you will see a change in your confidence level. Your 28-year-old self is already wiser and better off than your 22-year old self was. I will leave you with one last reminder: drop the competition mindset and adopt the opportunity mindset. There is enough success for us all; we just have different paths towards it.
xo,
anna
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